Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
