he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
