Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
