ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
