I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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