yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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