at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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