I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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