What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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