so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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