I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
