just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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