woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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