Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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