The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
