your parents love me but you hate me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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