And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize