I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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