If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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