TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
