Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
