6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
