NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
