I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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