Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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