i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
