Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
