his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
