he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
