Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
