every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
