so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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