Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
