i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
