Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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