I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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