So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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