Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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