I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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