One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
