I hate your face
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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