Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
