Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
