Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have aggressive nipples.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
