Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
