I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
