I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
