onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
