I need help removing her.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
