don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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