VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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