so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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