none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just puked most of my soul out..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
