I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
