I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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