I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
3 2 1 whiskey
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
