you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
high people should be assigned attendants
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
