people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
