he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
