"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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