I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize