Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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