I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize