i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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