ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
