remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize