absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
