I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
