well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How external is "for external use only"?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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