I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
