Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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