do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
