she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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