I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
