listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
