next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
