I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
