i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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