btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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