someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
